Feb 2, 2011

Knob Gobblers Unite






Say it again but put "I'd like to" before "Gobbles", drop the "s", then say "your" before "knob". There it is, that's right, oh yeah
Well, it's Groundhog Day again and despite the blizzard and frigid temperatures, the morons of Punxsutawney, PA still managed to get out of their shacks and watch a groundhog squirm around. The only good thing about this day is hearing the good looking lady news anchors say "Gobbler's Knob" alot.Yet there is one more plus when watching these superstitious idiots, its a foreshadow (pun intended) of the crazy-religious-bible-thumping-pro-lifers that come to UWM every spring!! These guys and gals are seriously the best. They yell Bible quotes with a self-righteous inflection, hold signs of aborted fetuses and one guy even plays homophobic songs on his ge-tar!

But everyone knows when you put crazy, literalist Conservatives in one place, the crazy, idealist Liberals ain't too far away. The only thing better than hearing these jerk-offs inane ramblings is hearing the hipster and pseudo-philosophers scream in their face about "subjective morality" and biblical misinterpretations. It's hilarious. Both sides sound like huge douches. At least the religious folk have the excuse of being brainwashed, the others are either trying to impress a chick or striving to fulfill their own intellectual narcissism by letting everyone else know that they use alot of big adverbs. Hemingway is rolling in his grave. Yet why do I find these yelling matches so compelling? I once sat on the same ledge for 2 and a half hours listening to the same babble over and over. I was talking to a guy before he went to class, he got out of said class and said: "You're still here? Hahahaha." Maybe I'm compensating for my lack of religion and/or egoism, or maybe I just like hearing weiners make fools of themselves. Nonetheless, I'd take time from "more important" things to watch the Giant Douche V. Turd Sandwich "grudge match" any day of the week.

So as images of rebirth and green grass flutter through our heads, think of the finer things in life. Sitting back, enjoying the weather, eying the ladies, maybe doing a Post Crossword and  listening to two groups of scumbags spout out shit, then eventually shrugging and going to jerk-off and/or drink PBRs. Ironically, of course.

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