Dallas- Early this morning Clay Matthews emerged from an undisclosed cave in the Dallas/Fort Worth area refreshed after devouring several hundred unbaptized children.
Sources close to the Green Bay Packers say Matthews ritual of eating these unchristened virgins is a key factor in the linebacker's success. "From what we gather, Clay sits in a dark cave brooding over the weeks opponent and eats children," said Packer General Manager Ted Thompson. "Packer fans from all over the country are ready and willing to sacrifice their kids just to see Clay get a sack."
Matthews has stated that his appetite for young flesh and blood rejuvenates his mind and body and focuses him on the upcoming opponent. The approximate number of devoured children is not known but a source says its around 350.
In lieu of such on field success, Matthews says he will not change his weekly ritual but freshen it next season. "Next year I might dabble in public sacrifices," says Matthews.
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