Pizza Hut announced today that it would be offering a 'Rapture Night Special' on select pizzas on Saturday night after 6 p.m.
Valid on 'Rapture Night' only, If you buy a large, 2-topping pizza with hand tossed or thin crust, the second is only $5. Pizza Hut President Peter Hearl announced that "Pizza Hut and its subsidiary, PepsiCo are proud to be the sole sponsor of Christ's return." He continued, "What better way to represent the Almighty than with a pizza that has the freshest ingredients, highest quality meats, and never frozen dough. You could say its a meal 'fit for a King' [hearty guffaw]."
Christian radio host Harold Camping, a retired Civil Engineer, has mathematically calculated the Son of God's return. Pinpointing the day of the Great Flood to the year 4990 B.C., Camping then takes a prediction from Genesis 7:4 (God sending rain upon the earth), and combines it with a passage from the second book of Peter ("With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day"). Camping takes the 17th day of the second month mentioned in Genesis 7:11 to be the 21st May, and hence predicts the rapture to occur on this date.
Pizza Hut was quick to jump on this prediction. "[Camping] is the best in his field, you could say he's the 'Pizza Hut' of Engineer/Radio Hosts! [guffaw]" Hearl states. "If Jesus is going to judge the living and the dead, surely he brings taste into the equation."
Expecting record breaking sales, Pizza Hut has also promoted its one-night-only deal with a string of commercials. One of the more popular ads depicts a brother and sister joyously eating their Pizza Hut pizza while listening to Prince's 1982 hit "1999". Suddenly, their house begins to shake, their roof splits, and Christ descends from the heavens. A smile comes across his face as he chuckles and says "You guys are alright." The Chosen One then proceeds to join the siblings in listening to Prince and eating Pizza Hut's famously delicious pizza.
Commercials featuring Nena's "99 Luftballoons," R.E.M.'s "It's the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine)," and Blondie's "Rapture" are also scheduled to air within the week.
Reception for both the Second Coming and Pizza Hut's deal has been overwhelmingly positive from the public. "I just can't wait to sit on my couch, eat my discounted pizza, and have Jesus Himself tell me how good I am. It's so exciting!" Judith Bilton, a 33 year old Paralegal said. "Nothin' better than eating a supreme pizza and watching the NASCAR race, especially when I know Jesus is a comin'. I hope he makes Dale Jarret win." Cletus Jones says. "Maybe the sonofabitch'll even join me for a beer."
The $5 second-pizza-deal is void for residents living in Alaska, Nevada, and New Hampshire.
I hate to burst your bubble man. I think this is a scam.
ReplyDeleteAccording to Psalm 111:5 - "He provides food for those who fear him."
These coupons are a hoax being played on us by the big man himself.
I've always imagined him as more of a Domino's kind of guy and now it's confirmed.
All of the god fearing folk (ie. Pizza Hut diners, coupon clippers) will be punished come rapture time, for their poor taste and false ideals.
The rest of us French bread, deep dish, crispy thin crust and even Totino’s pizza lovers will be rewarded with a certificate from Jesus granting us eternal good taste.
I’ll tell you who can’t wait for this delicious rapture…this guy.